Courage. Nerve. Audacity.

I can safely say that the majority of us could always use an a few more ladlefuls of this in our soup.

I keep this one here below close to me and share this with you now :

Commitment has always had a heavy ring to it. Call it making a decision then because that’s simply what it is. What kills me is when you choose not to decide or worse still, leave it to be decided upon later. Later never arrives. Later is a lie. A lie to yourself that you will make a call on this at some other time, but unfixed, a time that never comes. How many of us leave the big decisions of our life, our career, our relationships to chance or to providence? How many of us are letting other people decide the course of our lives and who are letting others rule our emotions? How many of us, stand squarely in the middle of the bucket and call it?

Be brave. Be willing to make mistakes as it is the only way forward. Accept it as you would the turning of night into day. You don’t learn anything with the things you get right, you learn them when you get it wrong. But if you are so afraid to make a call on it, one way or another, if you are not willing to think through the issue now preferring to dwell on it at some unspecified time in the future that never arrives, you only do yourself injustice. In most of our small daily decisions, those decisions with no real impact, those decisions that do not go into the fabric of your life, then sure, why not. But for all the big important ones, it is bound to get curly. And if it's going to get curly, I’d like to know I am in the driver’s seat.

So, make those decisions. And you will know the ones I mean. They are the ones that float to the front of your mind as you read this, and the ones you keep slipping under your pillow for another day, every night. Get into the driver’s seat. It is, after all, your life.

The lesson I’ve learnt these last few months is that the hardest conversations we have are usually with ourselves. And if we choose not to have those conversations, then it’s not too bad a life. But it’s only so long before something surfaces to remind you of what need’s to be done.

I like what the new year brings. All those possibilities and the fresh clean slate. The momentum is building, your energy level is high and the adrenalin has kicked in.

If you’re like most people, resolution creation is probably in order. I try not to resolve only in the new year but whenever the need arises. My problem is not coming up with the resolution. Often times, it is about having the resolve to stick to it.

I find that if you don’t really think about it hard enough and make that difficult choice, you just set yourself up to fail. What do I mean? Take losing weight,  for example, because that is a universal problem. For some, the battle is with sloth. With others, it’s greed. If you decide to lose weight and work hard at the exercise bit, but fail to control the greed, then you put a lot of effort in one aspect and the expectations are so high. Rightly so, because you’ve fought the good fight. But greed will undo your results. Wouldn’t it be better to make resolutions to both exercise more and cut down on the over-eating as opposed to just one aspect? Or simply give in and admit that you like to eat. This way, you don’t have to go through the yo-yo effects of dieting, exercising and the mental anguish and battle that comes with this territory. I would say, that many can’t admit to themselves that they want both. And so a lot of energy is spent on working on one weakness while the other weakness spirals out of hand. And the cycle continues. Maybe trying to control both weaknesses is too much? Maybe admission is too hard to bear.

But I guess the point I want to make here is that sometimes, you can start with small subtle changes. I recently started waking up earlier. It’s the result of now having a school-going child. That extra hour and a half in the morning makes all the difference. It’s a small change but with big results. And what a difference it makes to your psyche. You simply cannot underestimate the power of small changes. Let it work its course over time. Inch by inch.

Sometimes, its not very obvious to the naked eye. You think you see one thing but actually, it might be something else altogether.

Our success in building effective and deep relationships with the ones we love and the ones we work with lies, to very great extent, in how well we perceive others. Our perception is affected by so many things.

Nothing is ever anything other than what we perceive it to be. There aren’t always ‘facts’ as some would call it. Sometimes, its just a perception. The emotions we bring from our past experiences have huge bearing. Even more so, our perception of any truth. I’ve heard it said that you can perceive a situation but it’s how we tell the story, of what we’ve perceived, to ourselves or to those around us that have impact. It is what we tell ourselves of the story, and not the situation, that lingers and remains. And over time, the memory of the situation fades and all we have left is the emotion or our assessment of it, at that time.

Ever notice how your state of mind, clouds your judgment, when you are most volatile or angst ridden?

Anger, sorrow, fear – they all come into the mix, and they greatly affect how we think about things.

We go to the ones we trust and ask their opinion firstly, because we trust and respect them. Secondly, because we know, deep down, what they are going to say. We don’t move on, in a deep relationship, whatever it may be, without being able to truly assess how the other will respond or react in any given situation. We develop this and it takes time. Is that why we ask advice from those whom we can trust we will follow? As opposed to asking advice, and not knowing the truth and waiting with bated breath for an answer.

Let’s face it. I have definitely been in many situations where the desire to control the outcome exceeded my influence in that area. Yet, there I was, hell-bent on trying to manifest something and quite blindingly pushing ahead for the outcome I so desired. So what do we hear when we listen in this manner? What exactly do we perceive?

Ego gets in the way. And then, there is no turning back. If this desire far exceeds anything else, well, all I can say is that it will certainly one long lonely road to be on.

We all have fears, some we are ready to acknowledge and some we are not. Acknowledging that the fear exists, helps us make slightly better decisions, no doubt. But if these fears exist, our fears colour our perceptions. There are places we indeed dare not go.

I live and breathe this daily – the gap between what I know I need to do and what I am doing. It is a frustrating hell to be in and the first step is acknowledging to oneself what exactly you need to work on.  Admitting this to yourself early on, colours everything.

I believe that a desire to let things be as they happen, has a certain quality to it. Peace lies at the heart of it, a slow moving tranquility to move and yet be unmoved when called for it.

You start out in life so dependent on others for your most basic needs. In time, as you grow physically, that dependency also expands, encompassing mental and spiritual dependence on the ones who love us and whom we love back. But as our experiences begin to widen, we start to play around with the concept of independence while still holding firmly on to those familiar maternal strings. And how joyfully and cockily we make those bold moves. And so the self assured, confident, beaming individual is thus made, not born. She shines through life, viewing everything with her special glasses, gracefully handling every obstacle as if it was meant to be overcome, meant to be experienced and embraced.

And then we have the ones not so bold. The ones who worry about each statement, whether people will like what they have to say and who prefer the shadows backstage to the lights upfront.

How are they viewing life’s experiences?

We bring our experiences to bear in all we think, say and do. And our experiences, to large extent, colour our perceptions and vice versa – our perceptions colour our experiences. It is the ones who do not fear failure, who stay true to who they are, who value their own opinion over others without bravado or conceit, who feel centred and who are able to weather the storms who thrive. They say that it takes a lifetime to build a reputation and one act to destroy it. Sometimes, it can feel that way too with self assuredness.

What I have found over time, is that self assuredness takes time to build and its strength lies in the experiences we go through. The more we experience, the more we gain that self confidence. The more we are willing to embrace fear, uncertainty, doubt and discard the opinion of the other, the closer we get to being true to ourselves. But like many things in life, I do believe that self assuredness is something that can be worked on and built step by step. Here’s what I find works for me.

1. Embrace fear.

I now understand when people say that the biggest thing to fear is fear itself. How much stronger a position we live and operate from, if we work from a point of hope and positive light than from one of fear. Once you overcome this hurdle, you’re halfway there.

2. Be true to you.

When you’re young and experienced, its easy to tip your hat to those wiser and older than you. But there is only one you in the world, and only one person who can manifest fully the true you  - it is you. If we sway from side to side, we don’t put our stake in the sand. We don’t stand for anything. Whatever happens, you do have a viewpoint about it. Be true to that.

3. Allow yourself to fail.

This is about letting go. It’s about putting your best foot forward and just going with it. Accepting that it may work or may not, is part of that process. If we hold back, we will never know. So, allow yourself this indulgence.

4. Take things less seriously.

There are probably very few things in life to be taken seriously and I am sure that when push comes to shove, you will be able to separate the wheat from the chaff. Inject some humour and lightheartedness in your daily life if only to make it a little bearable for yourself.

5. Watch the space.

Mistakes unwatched will recur. You need to watch, like a hawk, when you get things wrong. Do the math, turn it over in your head. Find out where it went wrong and be clear about it. Own up to it. Then, you have a chance to develop some real learning that you can take with you.

6. Take a chance.

What have you really got to lose?

7. Ask yourself what you think.

Be clear about how you feel or think about the issue. Don’t sit on the fence, not on the big issues. If you feel that you’ve not made your mind up with unresolved issues, the passage of time will surely point out your errors and show you how your lack of decision is actually a decision.

Lisa Rosendhal, Human Resources Director at Veterans Health Administration, a leader, writer and avid blogger is someone I connected with, two years ago. Incisive and thought provoking, Lisa wrote an article, It’s Your Time to Lead, in the April 2009 issue of HR Matters Magazine.

Anyway, I’ve been keeping in touch with her over the years and some time ago, Lisa co-founded a community called Women of HR. They have a website dedicated to the development of women in HR and business. Effectively, it is a place to find information and discuss a diverse range of issues impacting women. They maintain a blog and recently, Lisa approached me to get my feedback on the manifesto, The Six Rules Women Must Break in Order to Succeed.

I was thrilled to be invited and even more thrilled to see my post up. Read it here, alongside the other two posts already up. There’s more contributions to be posted shortly, so watch the space. Let me know what you think.

Tony Schwartz, who is the President and CEO of the Energy Project (authored Be Excellent at Anything)  and blogger for the Harvard Business Review wrote an excellent article – How to Accomplish More by Doing Less.

Tony argues about the law of diminishing returns ie that if we keep pushing and pushing ourselves without break or respite, without opportunity to heal or rejuvenate, it doesn’t work in our favour. This makes such complete sense yet I do wonder why it is that we have to read about it like it is something new and as if a case needs to be made for it. Tony talks about creating a workplace ‘that truly values a balanced relationship between intense work and real renewal, and you’ll not only get greater productivity from employees, but also higher engagement and job satisfaction.”

Truth is, this looks like it might go into some organisation’s mission statement or employee retention handbook or some such thing. A place where you said what needs to be said and which widely differs from the reality most of us face.

I like this article for a number of reasons.

1. It gives me hope. I would not like to think that we all need to burn the candle at both ends. It makes sense to stop and rest. And being told its justified and there’s science and stats behind this, makes it more believable.

2. It’s logical. Yet at the same time, we see in our workplace, in our interactions with customer service centres, with people in the grocery stores, the kind of interactions that makes us wonder whether they work in organisations they enjoy and thrive in. For the decisions some of these people make, the kind of interactions that may ensue, sometimes leave much to be desired.  So, we may know something to be true, we may agree on its veracity and need and yet, quite easily go in the opposite direction. And it can be a choice we embrace every single day, as exhibited by the conversations we have and the actions we take.

3. It’s in line with ROWE (or the results only work environment) movement. I have been a fan of this movement since I heard about it many years back. It’s simple, it makes sense and it delivers results. What more do you need? Yet, while the movement has been gaining traction, it is clear that the great majority of organisations and workplaces out there still embrace an antiquated way of working.

What do people need to really make the jump? It surely can’t be that they need another statistic.

I’ve discovered that it’s easy to blame the complexity of issues or the complexity of people’s nature on why things fail or get done the way they do. I think that if you do want to complicate things beyond where they truly stand, it’s well within your power to. The thing about complexity is that complexity begets further complexity and you can get sucked into that whirlpool. You are then one step away from indecision, doubt and uncertainty. The way to remove yourself from this is simply to state that it’s really not as complicated as you think it is. Be brave and make a point to articulate out loud in what two ways something before you really is that simple. Don’t confuse this with having to make a decision on the issue itself – that will come in its time. Here, we’re concerned with the act of classification or labeling. If we tell ourselves that it’s complicated, then it is.

Simplify your life and your choices but reducing the number of complexities you perceive in the situations and issues before you. Sometimes you need to do that just so that you can move ahead. Sometimes, it gets you unstuck. More importantly, it gets you making a decision. Complexity for complexity sake, might make a pretty picture but you need to move on. Simplifying how you look at things and how you call it, may be the way forward then.

Finding your dream job should be a lifelong quest. You cant expect to find it in your early years, most certainly if it’s something you’d failed to prepare for and if you’re still young and inexperienced. Some do however, and that’s great. When you find work you enjoy doing, it ceases to be work. Someone posted on LinkedIn recently about why one should work on weekends and where the positivity was in that. It got me thinking.